the next chapter xx ]

I'm finally updating this space after almost 2 months. Sorry if you didn't know what happened to me this 2 months and i just went missing in action. But, Hell happened. I thought i couldn't make it. I thought the choice i made was right. But i was proven wrong. Once, twice, again and again. Stupid- this is what they called me, even my closest friends. Until i really got hit by reality, I told myself it's time to finally wake up. It was so harsh,right at my face.. Your question, "you can actually choose not to suffer from all these.." But how can I? It's so hard struggling within yourself. I cannot bring myself to leave after all the F you did to me. But i did it finalfuckingly.. It was very hard. But i really did it. Yay or nay?

I'm so afraid now. I know i'm leading a wrong lifestyle. But i don't know what to do. How to forget. I was glad that God made me meet a few... That was maybe worth it for me. But I can't bring myself to make a decision. You know it's so mindfucking when you've suffered from all the hurts you can never ever imagined, and when you fell harder each time you tried. You're afraid that when you've stood up, you will fall hard on the ground again.. And when you finally did it, you've moved on, congratulations. I hope this day will come to me. Time will reveal, yes no? This remains as a question. Always.